Introduction
Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
I grew up Catholic, with a devout Catholic Lola and casually Catholic parents.
On one side, I’m told that it’s a “mortal sin” to miss Sunday church.
On the other hand, I’m told it doesn’t matter as long as you believe in God. I don’t even remember going to Sunday Mass as a family. I also spent my whole life trying to live up to “good girl” standards.
But at the same time, someone who hates “following the rules”. I guess somewhere, somehow, I began worrying about what to do to become “good”. To go to heaven.
I’ve been told it looked like never missing Sunday Mass, memorising the rosary, etc. It did not appeal to me at all. Because one thing about me, I HAVE to know the reason why things need to be done.
I just didn’t get it. And I hated doing things just because I’m told to do them. I didn’t know it then, but I gradually started seeking answers.
My confrontation with my internal conflict with religion truly began when I was 15 years old, in high school. I stumbled upon a book called “The Purpose-Driven Life”.
God used it to change my life. I didn’t see Christianity as a religion anymore. Although my perspective changed, I did not easily give up my label as a catholic because I needed more answers.
However, I wasn’t actively looking for answers either. Fast forward to senior high school, the most significant point in my high school years, I met Ma’am Hahriz and Sir Jikjik.
And then I was invited to a conference.
I felt elated that night! I was so sure then that something had changed. From then on, I kept Jesus in my heart. I no longer need to know everything.
All I know is that I am sure of Jesus. I wasn’t earnestly seeking, but I guess when you let a door open, even just a little bit, God will open it wider for you.